Upgrading to Windows98

To: Engineering Staff
Subject: Think Different - Install Windows98 - The price of jade escalates to new heights.

Fellow Technologists,

So I am driving to work late this morning over treacherous Highway 17 from foggy Santa Cruz to San Jose. I am listening to the radio about how easy and wonderful it is to use Windows98, and the sun comes out and the sky is blue I think to myself as I pass by the speed trap, - "Yes, let's do it. Everyone is so jaded. Microsoft has surely improved after that Department of Justice beating. I'll just install Windows 98 while I make a few phone calls."

As I whistle into my cubicle glancing at the others working while I think "I will pave the way." My laptop has 177 MB free. I turn off the Norton Virus checker - not going to let that one get me. I shlurp in the Windows 98 CD into my ROM drive. The installation starts with some new age stereo sounds and then creates a "startup" floppy. Yep! They just want me to feel safe. We all know you will never need that goofy old media ever again. The install wizard moves showing "typical" installation for laptops. That's for me. I have a popular Dell laptop. I won't be clever - I'll just take what those smart folks in Redmond have already spent person-eons of time figuring out I already need. So the CD chugs along and takes all the time it takes. Splashing full screens of happy people every 5 minutes. I run out for a quick bite with the file copy progress bar reading 27 minutes to go.

Back from my lunch 45 minutes later I see the progress bar reads 27 minutes to go. What a shock! Only the mouse pointer is alive. The software is frozen. My laptop is brain-dead. I press all the magic keys I know to resuscitate. <RETURN> nothing. <ESC> nothing.

no response.

didn't you hear me? <CTRL><ALT><DEL>

no response.

<Power Cycle> laptop

Windows 95 comes back, but the boot routine announces it is missing most of the laptop drivers the Win98 installer has blown away. Gees, I spent days downloading those drivers from my vendor's web site just to get 95 to run. The startup screen reports:

bios.vxd - gone
filesec.vxd - gone
msmouse.vxd - gone
vpower.vxd - gone

It is a deadly fate - CD-ROM drive gone!

Screen driver gone!

gone - gone - gone.

Windows95 is up in safe mode. Hmm. Let's just reinstall 98 to give them a second chance to mend their ways. But my CD-ROM drive is gone - no chance.

So I shut down the system to use the startup floppy I just made. The shut down screen has the nerve to show me "Shutting Down Windows 98". This new startup floppy asks me if I want to start the computer with CD-ROM support. So I say yes. It makes drive D: and E: Upon rebooting again, the CD-ROM drive fails to come up. Rebooting from the floppy, there is a line reading type HELP. This loads a long file appropriately in blue screen - The subtle color that is Microsoft's way of saying you are near death (again). The instructions are cheery all welcoming you to the world of Windows 98 Startup. Loads of problems are listed - which one is mine? I quit the file <ALT+F+X>

So I see my long lost friend,

A:>

Here I am at the exact scene of the crime. The exact place in time - 1981 when I first turned on my PC and saw the virginal glowing A:> wondering - ok now what? I have all this work to do, the phone is ringing, everyone is asking "Hey, are your changes ready for us yet?" And I am looking at this brainless screen wondering, "Why can't I go where I want to go today?"